• Ringette Dad: Hey honey, did you know that Helen knows Andrew, the goalie coach?
  • Ringette Mom: Really? You know he's single?
  • Helen's Mouth: Haha, I do know that.
  • Helen's Brain: Oh believe me I am so far beyond aware of that fact and exactly why that is a fact you have absolutely no idea.
  • Ringette Mom: You guys should get together!
  • Helen's Mouth: No, we're friends.
  • Helen's Brain: Actually I had considered that. And he considered that. And then one of us was no longer considering that. And now I don't think either of us are considering that.
  • Ringette Mom: Oh, not your type?
  • Helen's Mouth: Haha, no, that's not it.
  • Helen's Brain: Definitely not the problem. That pretty much is my type.
  • Ringette Mom: Go for it then! He's single, good-looking, rich, you're single and good-looking.
  • Helen's Mouth: Nawww, we're just friends.
  • Helen's Brain: Holy Jesus you have no idea how much context there is to this and holy Christ this is so incredibly awkward and you have absolutely no idea.

#Winning at life

  • Girly shopping date and bought ALL THE THINGS
  • Interview at my top choice for a second job
  • Found references for said interview
  • Gonna watch a movie and drink coolers
  • Midterms = finito
  • Beautiful, sunny, warm day (i.e. the calm before the “Frankenstorm”
  • Stole crap-ton of bottles for ringette team’s bottle drive
  • Argued my way into 40% off of my new winter boots

Things I really need to stop doing to myself (but that I’ll probably keep doing anyways)

  • Browsing ModCloth. I don’t need those clothes. I can’t afford those clothes. It starts a cycle of feigned deprivation.
  • Comparing myself to my best friend. Get over it. She’s super tall and pretty and skinny and talented and clothes just look GOOD on her and she has a great boyfriend. I will never be like her. I need to stop wishing I could be like her.
  • Craving the approval of everyone around me. It’s dumb and probably not doing me any good.
  • Getting so worked up over tests of any sort. I need to accept that they are not the ultimate measure of my self-worth … YEAH RIGHT!
  • Creeping/thinking about/wanting Campus Crush. Gawd, I am a sad little person.
  • Correcting people’s grammar. Doesn’t endear me to anyone, no matter how important good grammar actually is.
  • Trying to convince homophobes, pro-lifers, or any other form of extremely right-wing individual that their social beliefs are just rude.
  • Buying Cosmo. I don’t have any use for those tips. It just makes me sadder about my life.
  • Going to Starbucks. I mean really. It’s kind of an issue.
  • Quoting obscure tv shows/movies. Few university-aged people will know what I’m referring to.
  • Procrastinating. Duh.
  • Complaining about my life online.

So, um, my coworkers and I go to the Starbucks next door basically every day. And we always get the same barista, who is pleasant and chats with us every single day.

And today, he gave us a discount.

That’s it. I am now officially one of the douchebag zombies I so detest. I get recognized in Starbucks. And given discounts by my usual barista.

Also, I almost have enough points for a gold card.

What is my life?